英語笑話5則

1.Marry Him

Sue loved Steve, but she worried about all the money he squandered when they went out together. “How can I stop Steve from spending so much money on me?” She asked her mother.

“Marry him!”

2.Flowers

“Take a bunch of flowers home for your wife, sir.” urged the street vendor.
“I haven’t got a wife,” replied the young man.
“Then buy a bunch for your sweetheart.”
“I don’t have a sweetheart, either.”
“Well then, buy a couple of bunches to celebrate your luck.”

3.Is Your Wife Home Now

The boss arrived at his office with a terrible headache.

“That’s funny, boss.” said an employee, “A few days ago, I had a terrible headache too, but it didn’t last long. My wife pulled me over the sofa, gave me a big hug and a kiss. My headache went away.”

The boss put on his hat. “I’ve tried everything else.” he muttered, “Is your wife home now?”

4.Einstein And Driver

Albert Einstein was traveling around the universities in a car giving lectures on his theory of relativity.
One day, while on the way to a university, the driver said, “Dr. Einstein, I’ve heard you giving the lecture thirty times. I know it by heart, and I am sure I can give it myself.”
“Well. I’ll give you a chance.” said Einstein, “They don’t know me at the next university. When we got there, I’ll put on your hat, and you introduce yourself as me, and give the lecture.”
The driver recited Einstein’s lecture without making any mistakes at the university. But when he finished and started to leave, one of the professors stopped him and asked him a very complex problem. The driver thought fast, “The solution to this is so simple.” he said, “that I’m surprised you have to ask me. In fact, to show you how simple it is, I’ll ask my driver to come here to answer it for you.”

5.Police Chase

A man was driving home late one afternoon, and he was driving above the speed limit. He notices a police car with its red lights on in his rear view mirror. He thinks, “I can outrun this guy.” so he floors it and the race is on. The cars are racing down the highway — 60, 70, 80, 90 miles an hour. Finally, as his speedometer passes 100, the guy figures “what the heck.” and give up. He pulls over to the curb. The police officer gets out of his cruiser and approaches the car. He leans down and says “listen mister, I’ve had a really lousy day, and I just want to go home. Give me a good excuse and I’ll let you go.”

The man thought for a moment and said, “Three weeks ago, my wife ran off with a police officer. When I saw your cruiser in my rear view mirror, I thought you were that officer and you were trying to give her back to me!”

所有笑話選自《英語時文閱讀進階 幽默篇》。 笑話書不少，但真正好笑的不多。 我感覺這本不錯， 中英雙語，很適合英語學習者作為課外閱讀使用。重點是裡面真的有很多好笑的笑話。